So i contemplated dying again. another saturday spent alone at home just adds more into the depths of my aching soul. optimism can only keep me going for so long sometimes. ive made strides in becoming a more extroverted person, but despite my efforts my social life is still shit. i do have much more to accomplish at being more extroverted but i thought by now things would have started to look up…i never want to physically kill myself from this loneliness. it just feels like im becoming so sad inside i will just wither and die. of course things can be worse but that doesn’t take away how shitty they are currently. it doesn’t make it suck any less. friendship is all i want, from someone who needs it like i do. i try to find someone willing but the issues are always the same, they have enough friends, we dont click, they dont have time for me, etc. i got ride of the crappy people in my life thinking good ones would eventually come along to replace them but, alas nothing of the sort has happened. let this be acknowledged that if eventually this loneliness is to one day consume me and it be my faith that i truly die of this aching sadness i want it known i never wanted to die. i just didn’t have enough love in life to keep me living.